hahaha so I'm back from aussie land. It was fun and did quite a lot of interesting things like visit a vineyard, feeding wallabys, eating strawberries, getting lost thanks to the stupid GPS system, driving along the great ocean road and of course the shopping!


Took quite a lot of pictures over the past 10 days. My mum was been bugging my sis to upload them every now and then but my sis says she needs to edit them. Missed charyl like crazy while i was over there, I was so so so glad to come back and fetch her from the airport!


I think i may have stumbled upon the threshold of our modern society about the issue of smoking and quitting. Note that how you tell smokers that a cigarette shortens their life and causes diseases. And they tell you they simply don't care? Ever felt that?

From an ex-smoker's point of view, I rmb giving that comment months ago. It is solely because of the reason that I didn't have anything or anyone to live for. No one to shower love on me. Teenagers nowadays don't care about their life if there is no 'love' element towards it. Come to think of it, I really have a lot of smoker friends that are like that. They cannot see the light behind life and I feel really sad for them. Now don't get me wrong I do not mean to sound condescending here, but that is how I really feel and think through my mind.

Now if the media or relatives want to get smokers to quit, they really shouldn't be taking an angle of health perspective because I sincerely think that it doesn't warrant much of an effect on teenagers nowadays. I just felt like saying this because i feel that people are taking such a wrong approach on stopping smokers from smoking.

Today, find someone to live for, something that you can do for the rest of your life with a smile on your face nevertheless. Find back your old self because I really believe it is a whole load of bullshit by saying smoking is a part of one's self. Think about it, that sentence doesn't even make sense.

Tasha is looking at me hoping that her owner's brother would spare her some of his delicious midnight cereal snack haha.


Very excited cos soon I will be in Aus! Celebrating the graduation of my sis. then after that I think i got another clique trip to nearby place then got my btt. After btt straight away i am flying off to korea! ZOMG THIS IS SO FUNNNNNNNN :D

I promise to cherish you because I don't want to be like the others who don't know how to cherish.


Life has been pretty good. My best in my life so far if I were to compare. Love is indeed powerful to change your life. It is currently changing mine for the better. I never would have imagined that myself of all people, one of the most cynical and depressed people could ever see such light in the world ever again. I'm thankful for this change. I'm VERY thankful for someone like you.

Although the future is uncertain, but I can say this I don't ever want to lose you.

I must have done something right to deserve you in my life.

I learned a new and hard lesson. Something which I tried to avoid facing in my life. People get hurt time to time. It is impossible to please everyone around you. I tried so damn hard to not let the people around me get hurt. And I regret to say that my arrogance of thinking that I am so different has hurt and will hurt more people.


I really thought I could be that person, the people-pleaser. My strong desire to be different than the world's mindset of all guys are the same has been the downfall of me. I just never really thought that I would be the one afterall that hurts people. It is just a hard and real fact of the world.

THERE CANNOT BE NO HURT IN OUR LIVES AT ALL. Having said that, life is about what you do about those hurts. Do we turn to revenge, self-pity, bitterness or take a turn for the better? No one knows but yourself.

I will try to get this into my thick skull. Time doesn't change things, eventually you gotta have the balls to step up and change things yourself. Sure people don't like change and don't like to do the things that we don't like. But the saddest thing is that the right thing to do is usually the hardest one.

So its been a long while since I've posted here at this place. yeah my keyboard's still not fixed which is very troublesome sometimes.

It feels so weird to graduate like soon. I mean my last day of school is on tuesday where i got this research paper interview. Plainly put it is to waste time la huh.

Dozens having a gathering tmr at Js' house. Maybe I will drop by when I wake up which is idk what time haha.


Life threw me another thought. I don't know what to do with it. Its been too long since good things happened to me. Its been so long that I don't believe that good things happen to people; actually people like me.

What am I supposed to do? Do I try again like an idiot only to be hurt in the end, or do I try again just to give myself another shot at life. Decisions Decisions.

So SIP is finally finished and I am definitely over the moon. The elation and anticipation for this shit hole period to vanish is finally here!!!


Went to chalet on friday night with the htm peeps, must admit there are people there that i didn't know but after drinks and smokes, we all like one big happy family hahaha. I didn't expect to stay the whole night but I guess was just sian to take midnight fare cabby so I stayed. Really drank alot until nearly KO on the mattress. The next day hurting like mad my head and I couldn't focus on doing portfolio.


So here I am trying and hoping that I finish the portfolio tonight cos tomorrow 5pm must submit!

Good luck to meee :D

Today was a public holiday cos it's hari raya something haha sorry if I can't rmb. So my sis asked me out for lunch to treat me in lieu of my birthday on sunday. So we headed down to this place in Little India called Bergs Burgers.

It was a suprise for me to see my whole cell there! I was really astonished by the fact of the suprise haha to be honest. Its quite a big task to elude me because usually I notice things quite faithfully but well done to jie and mum! My birthday present is this huge ass transparent box and inside it was a book ( I should really take a photo of it). And inside that book held writings and lovenotes to me.


Frankly, when I first saw it, I was stunned and nearly cried. No one has ever given me such a present which consists of love. I had never felt some a warm feeling spread through me. For the first time, I felt loved, wanted, someone of significance.

Tomorrow is the start of week 7 of SIP.

I don't like the way that I've been shoved so much responsibility in work. And I don't even have a clue of what's going on. I need help but my boss thinks that I can handle it all.


This is about the driest of my mental life so far. I can't seem to be motivated to do anything. Sure I bask in the daily joy of 6pm everyday, but where is the big picture. I'm only 19, wait not even 19 yet shucks I'm only 18. And there's already so much shit in my life. I really don't want to imagine when I'm like 30 plus. The huge mountain of problems.


Most of the time when I lie in bed (right now) and when I close my eyes, I begin to see my whole life since young changing until now. I want to cry sometimes but I gotta be strong and fight the world. Clement what's wrong with you.

I RATHER STUDY THAN GO TO SIP ):


Today passed really fast. Monday blues are gone and slowly the week will pass by very fast! I don't really have anything nice to blog about here except boring SIP stuff that probably people would not understand so yeah I shall not do it.


I will probably stop blogging until something drastic or happening bombards my life haha. Until then I shall await my blog when I finish SIP!



It hurts me so badly to know that things can't progress any further that this.

Results came out today. And at around lunch time I checked mine.

I got crushed really. Somemore I rmb extremely clearly that I was so determined to give it my all and do my best to pull up my GPA this sem. I did do my best, frankly better than all in my poly life.


Whenever I was stuck doing a project and felt sian, I stood determined because I tried my best.
Whenever I was spending late nights studying for tests esp for the last and final exam, I thought of my sis and it kept me going.
Whenever I just felt like giving up, I would hold myself to the promise I made and that was to try my best. It's already the last sem.


Today the hard truth crashed down on me. I did really badly this sem and tons of questions flooded my head. I studied really hard for the exams. Why does this have to happen to me? I teared alot on the bus ride coming home.


Even after trying my best, I still am unable to pull my GPA up. I'm a failure and will forever be a failure. Nothing I do or did is of use at all. I'm so special that the sole purpose of my existence is to be useless. I can't seem to do anything right.


I so fucking hate God right now. If prayer works, wait screw that. It doesn't. My mum prayed for each and every one of my papers. And its not like I didn't do anything. I studied my fucking ass off and this is what I get? This incident will never be forgotten and that how naive I thought that God maybe would be good to me and things would turn out alright.


I know if you christians are reading this will go and say:
Clement it is not true that prayer doesn't work. You just didn't try hard enough.
And this is what I will say to you. Face it you christians are living in a delusional world. If you pray about something and things turn out good, you would say prayer definitely works. But if things turn out bad, you would also say its God's plan.


That is a whole load of bullshit. I've had enough of this naive thinking. My whole life has been a joke and I'm sure that God created me for his only amusement. Purposely screw up one human's life so that God can laugh at him. Fuck all that shit. I'm going my way from now on.


I'm turning all my misery and bitterness into cold hardcore hatred. I will never ever have anything to do with God anymore.